Mind the Gap

Life is beautiful, but surprisingly, it’s not the tragic, life-threatening events that usually prevent us from experiencing it. More often, it’s the mundane, unfavorable circumstances arising in family life, at work, in bureaucracy, traffic, and even the weather that get in the way. The stress that awaken in us feels so automatic that we’ve come to label these unwanted circumstances as “stressful events.” But if you observe closely, you’ll discover that there’s more going on than we realize. In fact, it’s not the situation itself that is stressful, but rather our response to it.

Between every unfavorable trigger and our stressful reaction, there’s a gap—a space that holds the potential for choice. It happens quickly, so we usually don’t notice it, but it’s there. This gap, which becomes more apparent through pausing and resting, is essential for happiness, well-being, and a life of vitality.

Cultivating stillness, as our initial response to unwanted situations, enables a transformative shift from merely surviving to truly thriving. In the stillness between the trigger and our subsequent movement real inner peace, meaningful connection, and joy can take root.

The Biology

Movement isn’t just something we do—it’s biology, core biology. From the earliest forms of life, like bacteria, nature knew how to move away from what’s harmful and toward what’s pleasurable. We’ve inherited that behavior. Reactive movement is our survival system at work. When something triggers us, our mind’s first instinct is to move. Stress, from a biological perspective, is not inherently bad; rather, it is a signal, prompting us to react—the inner mobilization that drives movement, whether mental or physical.

Running from pain and chasing pleasure represents the basic mechanism of survival. It’s how we survive, but not how we live. Surviving ensures we escape death, but it does not define how we live. Living—a higher form of survival that nature activates whenever we feel safe—is about prolonging and expanding life. If we only focus on survival, nature’s basic, first law, we miss out on something far more incredible: living, nature’s higher second law.

“Two laws govern nature: first, escape death; second, prolong life. The reactive survival impulse serves the former, while the inner prompt to rest and express aliveness serves the latter.”

Here’s where it gets interesting. Living is rooted in the opposite behavior of surviving. To survive, we must move; to live, we must learn to remain still and rest. To activate this second law of nature and shift from surviving to living, we must cultivate stillness in response to life’s triggers. Face and endure pain; don’t escape it. Forgo pleasure; don’t chase it. These are living-based instinctive responses of a higher nature, rooted in emotional intelligence, and developed in the gap between trigger and response.

(E)Motional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence—what I like to think of as motional intelligence—is developed in the stillness between trigger and your next movement. This pause enables you to wisely consider when to respond with movement and when to rest, endure pain, or forgo pleasure.

It’s in that stillness that emotional intelligence grows. In this meditative space, we have a choice: do we react, do we move, or do we rest? Recognizing and using that gap is more than a coping strategy; it represents freedom, and the key to a fundamentally different way of living.

Imagine being triggered by something a parent or colleague says. Instead of reacting with stress and movement, you remain still, resting and enduring the discomfort. You listen, but you don’t engage in unnecessary movement. This is where stillness plays a vital role; it allows us to conserve energy, calm your mind, and respond thoughtfully—if you respond at all.

Stillness isn’t about being passive; it’s a deliberate choice to pause and rest. By staying calm and not rushing to react, you preserve your energy and open up a different way of relating to what’s happening around you.

When you shift from reacting to resting, you save your energy for what truly matters. You’re no longer driven by basic survival instincts. Instead, you awaken a higher living instinct, seeking well-being, connection, and joy. This is what it means to thrive.

Surviving to Living

Once you move from survival to thriving and truly living, everything changes. You no longer focus solely on avoiding pain or pursuing temporary pleasures. Instead, with a long-term vision, you start building a life from a place of deep comfort, well-being, connection, and joy. Bearing short-term pains becomes a pathway to developing long-term, sustained gains.

“Emotional Intelligence is motional Intelligence developed in stillness”

Emotional intelligence also helps quiet the survival thoughts—the ones that urge you to protect yourself—and makes room for thoughtfulness that guides you toward living fully.

Find the gap between trigger and response. It’s there, waiting for you to notice it and be rewarded. In that gap, cultivate meditative stillness and access (e)motional intelligence, guiding wisdom, and your highest form of rationality and reasoning. Create the reflective space of stillness to develop what you truly love and what brings meaning and joy to your life.

(E)motional intelligence isn’t about reacting faster—it’s about using less energy to protect yourself and more energy to live meaningfully.

Remember, the strongest people aren’t those who survive every challenge or have access to endless; rather, they are those who establish well-being, deeply connect with others and the world around them, live with purpose, and thrive. And it all begins in the stillness of the gap.

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